Leaving Vietnam, so Hanoi-ing

Hanoi is a love it or hate it kind of city. We met people along the way that couldn't think of anything worse than another minute in the place. It's fast paced, intimidating and doesn't wait for anyone. We fell in love at first bite (and first bia hoi).

Bia hoi. Oh my what a beverage. The direct translation to English is 'fresh beer' as it's beer that's brewed the night before and served fresh the following morning. During that time it reaches a strength of 3-4% and at just 45 cents for the branded bia hoi (you truly taste the difference from the cheap stuff sold in the tourist area) it's impossible to walk past a bia hoi joint and not stop for a couple, which in Hanoi is a bookable offence anyway. 

You don't even have to use the excuse 'it's five somewhere in the world' to have one with most places having a cluster of regulars draining the freshest kegs from early in the morning. We've visited many places with strong beer cultures but Hanoi's just about takes the cake. There's no pub squash or pre-mixes here it's beer all the way and you down it like there's no tomorrow. If you need an extra kick you call over the communal bamboo tobacco bong or order a bottle of Viet vodka.

Of course no post on Vietnam would be complete without a mouthwatering set of food photos.

There were these.

Bun Ca - crispy river fish soup

Bun Moc - a clean pork broth with pork balls

Duck Hotpot - shared with a sewer rat by our feet

Bun Bo Nam Bo - beef noodles in a sweet peanutty sauce

Hahn Cuon - super delicate rice flour wontons with pork

And then there were these.

Dau Phu - deep fried tofu that's beyond crispy on the outside and light and fluffy on the inside

Bun Cha - a classic Hanoi dish of pork served in a sweet oily broth that you then add your noodles and greens to and dunk your crispy spring rolls in

Pho Ga - served from a simple little street kitchen on Hang Dieu with more pots on the go than stools. This is the benchmark by which all chicken pho should be measured and all chicken soups, broths, anything for that matter. This pho was dinner three out of five nights in Hanoi

Tang Yuan - glutinous rice balls filled with black sesame or mung bean paste that swim in a potent sweet ginger soup. Only a hundred metres up from the pho ga lady, sat in a semi circle around the serving pot, you would get presented with the night's encore 

In between bia hoi, ca phe and food stops we'd just swan around the city taking in the sights and the smells, the weirdness and the intensity, and what is by far the best Asian city we've been to and possibly the best city we've been to period. 

Coffee, beer, food and weird. All four boxes get emphatically ticked. Most of all it's the people and their no bullsh*t approach to life that we love getting swept into. 

Normally we're ready to leave a city and country in search of the next adventure. However leaving Hanoi and Vietnam has us feeling very hollow. Nicola shed a couple of tears the night before we left, such is the love we have for Vietnam. And that's a first for a woman that's the dry eye in the house when there's not a dry eye left in the house.

Three Little Piggies Went to Bangkok

Bangkok is a city of experiences. It's a city where you can fulfil any perverse desires that you've ever harboured. In the area around Khao San you can drink 24/7 and if you then want to go home with a ladyboy and play any hole's a goal, you can do that. If you want to see a woman smoke a cigarette from her coochie, you can do that too.

Oh, I just hope that you don't want a beer from a 7-Eleven from 2pm 'til 5pm because you can't do that. You would need to go to a bar for a drink, because that makes way more sense.

In between Thai rum fuelled hangovers we found time to squeeze in a few experiences that are more to our tastes. 

You read about our fancy dinner at Nahm here but part of the reason why it didn't live up to our expectations was because of this meal. We kept this meal a secret from Matt saying we were just going to a good restaurant in Chinatown for dinner. 

We arrived at Tang Jai Yoo and walked in off the grimy street into probably the strangest dinner environment I'd ever been a part of (save for my first family dinner at the Hatch residence - now THAT'S a baptism of fire). We got shuffled around between tables by women all wearing little purple suits trying to secure us big tipping Westerners at their table. They clearly weren't very good judges of character.

These little women in purple suits would continue to mill around for the entirety of the meal, hovering over the table and watching us eat, at times would join in on the laughter of a joke that they'd miss and helped contribute to a v strange environment in a setting that was akin to an Asian grandmother's living room.

Anyway, it could have been many times weirder and that would have been fine given the meal that was on its way. As he was flicking through the menu Matt spotted the suckling pig on it and said, "wouldn't it be funny if we just ordered a whole pig!" To which I took great pleasure in telling him that that was exactly what we were here for. 

We started off with a plate of morning glory that even for just some leafy greens was a meal in itself. You don't make friends with salad however you do with a bit of morning glory. Wink wink.

But then out came the main event. BOOM. The whole suckling pig was presented in all of its beautiful, sexy, porky glory.

The pork entree consisted of taking the slivers of wafer thin, glass-like skin and making Chinese-style pancakes with it. The way the pork skin shattered around your mouth was similar to no other pork skin we'd ever had. The pancakes took us to a special, special place and we could've walked away from the meal very satisfied at this point. You wouldn't, but you could. 

Next thing the pig was taken away and a few minutes later out came the pork palate cleanser - the remaining bits of skin, the snout and the ears. Those cartilagey, chewy, essence of pork bits. Mmm...

By this point we were feeling pretty full, ready to settle the cheque, until a heaped pile of the rest of the Porky Pig was plonked down in front of us after having been chopped and deep fried with a fistful of garlic. We floated out of the restaurant inebriated by the little oinker who'd led us astray for the evening.

One of the newer experiences to hit Bangkok is the cat cafe. It's no secret that we're lovers of cats so the opportunity to sit down over a Thai tea and have twenty of the most pristine cats you've ever seen climbing about the place was an opportunity that was not to be missed. 

The purrrrfect way to spend an hour or so...

Back to the food experiences. This time, boat noodles. So named as only a small portion of noodles and blood thickened broth is ladled into a bowl which prevents spillage when someone's chowing down on a few bowls in a boat. 

The idea is that you order a heap of bowls between the table and see how many you can get through. We followed an order of 12 bowls with an order of nine. 

No prize for guessing who let down the team in number of bowls consumed. 

We squeezed in a few at Mikkeller Bangkok for good measure.

And, other than more boozing and some street food snacking, including a great tom yum and Nix grilling her own bits of pork face at a street side grill, that was the majority of our time in Bangkok gone...

The Recap - The Balkans (Part II)

Corfu, Macedonia and Bulgaria. Definitely the laziest chunk of our trip and quite possibly the laziest few weeks of our lives. There appears to be a very strong inverse relationship between the strength of our tan and the number of things achieved during our days.

What We'll Miss

• The Ohrid fruit and veg market is quite comfortably the best fruit and veg market that we've come across in Europe. The stone fruits and berries in particular are the ones of your dreams
• Automatic coffee machines are on every corner in Bulgaria and given that I've forgotten what a good coffee actually tastes like, walking past and not popping in the equivalent 30c for a quick "espresso" would've just felt wrong
• Swimming everyday and losing a few kilograms was a nice change

What We Won't Miss 

• Chihuahuas. I've crunched the numbers and there are officially 1.2 chihuahuas to every 1 person in Bulgaria. You know when a cat walks proudly alongside you that you're not a real dog
• Bulgarian for thank you, phonetically, is blahgohdahryah. I asked a couple of Bulgarians how to pronounce it and both times after my butchered attempt they stared at me and said, "just say merci"
• Whinging, whining, little sooky children at the beach. Bring back those well behaved German kids!
• Average food. So much average food..
• I thought that Perth's roadworks were an eyesore and an inconvenience. That was before we went to Sofia. The city has essentially been divided in two and crossing to the other side of the main road which would've normally taken a minute now takes at least 30
• Seeing things on beaches that can never be unseen - old, saggy, brown, oiled boobs, kids pooing in the sand, way too many nude kids, semi-erect blokes in budgie smugglers - the list goes on

The Food

The gyros that we had in Corfu was an edible oasis in a desert of shit. It's definitely not a region to travel to for its culinary delights.

The worst of which was a slice of pizza that we had in Ohrid one night. The toppings were passable but the cheese that they'd used was some strange sort of spreadable cheese thing that was worthy of the odd gag. To top it all off it wasn't served on a serviette or a piece of cardboard but a massive square slice of wafer. What the actually f*ck.

The Drink

What's better than paying $2.20 for a 2L PET bottle of beer? Getting home to realise that you've paid $2.20 for a 2L PET that comes with a 20% bonus!! That kind of news was worthy of a beer.

Bye bye Balkans. Hellooooo Turkey!

Takk Iceland... Day 9

Back to Reykjavik we headed, final Koko Mjolk in hand, about to close out the loop.

Before dropping Morrison back we pulled in to Pallett Kaffikompani for an espresso and then very sadly drove him back to the Happy Campers yard and parted ways with our newest BFF.  Being back in a city was a bitter pill to swallow.  The Man of the Wild and Outdoor Number 2s appear to enjoy being away from cities for a while.

We then headed in to Reykjavik for 11 hours of eating, drinking and exploring before beginning 40 hours of transit through airports to get us to Croatia.

First up was a couple more coffees at Litli Bondaerinn and Reykjavik Roasters amongst more hipsters than you've ever felt old and infinitely less cool around.

Then the world famous, Bourdain, Bill Clinton, Princess Diana endorsed hot dog at Bæjarins Beztu Pylsur.  "Second worst hot dog of the trip" according to Nix.  Second only to an abomination of a belly filler that we had in Romania.

At no point have I mentioned just how quirky and unique and, a lot of the time, strange the Icelandic people are.  There's strangeness every where you look around the island.  Knowing this, it then doesn't come as a surprise that an Icelandic man has devoted his entire life to collecting all things animal phallus related.  Yes, a penis museum.

Here are a few of the photo highlights/lowlights.

What did we learn?

• A pizzle is a bull's penis that's been fashioned into a whip. 
• Penis bones are a thing and a walrus has a huge one. 

• The man with the biggest ever documented member has bequeathed it to the museum. 
• Penises whether dried and placed on a plaque or pickled in a jar are not attractive parts of the anatomy of any animal. 
• Penises aren't a laughing matter.  Dicks are really funny. 

That time Nix came face to face with a massive elephant dong.

We felt a bit weird after that so headed to K-Bar for a beer.  In particular one I'd been after for a while - Olvisholt Lava, a big, boozey imperial stout.  It lived up to expectations.

What the beers really were, was some Dutch Courage for a little eating challenge that Iceland devised all those years ago.

Cafe Loki does a Braveheart plate that consists of some dried cod that was childs play and the infamous Hakarl - fermented, rotten shark meat - something that Gordon Ramsay couldn't keep down when he ate it and countless other foodies have struggled to keep down.

We tentatively placed it in our mouths, at which point the rush of ammonia invades your nostrils and sets up shop for the next few minutes.  To say its flavour is long would be an understatement.  My favourite quote from Nix was - "it tastes like eating someone's morning after a big night piss".  So eloquent.

In all honesty, we don't really get what the fuss is all about.  Bring on the next eating challenge.

The evening finished with admiration of a church that almost makes you want to go to church and our final sushi feed of Iceland.

Then began the epic transit to Split and the first of two nights in airports.

Who gives a f*ck, we'd just had the best eight nights of our lives.

The Recap - Scandinavia

The first three quarters of the most highly anticipated stint of our trip did not let us down.

Scandinavia is beautiful.

Scandinavians know how to eat and drink.

Scandinavians know how to live.

There's little wonder left in our minds as to why these countries have the highest qualities of life of anyone around the world.

What We'll Miss

• The rabbit that lives in the cemetery in central Stockholm 
• Dime in all of its glorious iterations - ice cream, cookies, chocolate... 
• Scandinavian sunshine.  You've heard the phrase, 'he/she/they worship the sun'.  You don't have a proper grasp of that saying until you've seen Scandinavians sitting in the sun.  They get comfortable in their chair, they close their eyes and then they soak it in.  They soak it in so much that you almost feel like tapping them on the shoulder and telling them to leave some for you
• Smoked salmon.  So many times over and it never gets old
• The simplicity of life.  Public transport that is ridiculously efficient and easy to decipher.  Paying with everything with EFTPOS is pretty much a dream realised for me.  And everything is clean and safe and almost how you picture the perfect world to be
• Those Norwegian landscapes.  Wow
• Salted licorice where our favourite was Salty Silds that are salted licorice herring shaped jubes covered in so much salt it's not funny 
• Scandinavian coffee, oh how we'll miss you

• Being mistaken as Scandinavian thanks to Nix's blonde locks and my Viking-like beard
• The Viking jokes and comparisons that say and write themselves
• The effortless coolness of the Scandinavians.  I think that's also a bad though, those bastards... 
• You get what you pay for.  Yes, things may be super expensive but you can guarantee whatever you buy will be well made and made using only the best produce 
• The logic and intellect of the people that allows them to navigate situations like lining up for a coffee without feeling the need to push in, or pull some other shifty move, makes anal people like us happy 
• Mikkeller.  BOOM
• Blueberries.  Every opportunity that I had to have something blåbær flavoured nothing else got a look in
• The cleanliness of the air, even in cities, is a beautiful thing

What We Won't Miss 

• A lack of cats is almost a deal breaker.  Hmm, maybe not
• Swedish alcohol laws that match Australia's
• Forcing me to question my right wing ideologies.  The Iron Monk is still a great man 
• Prices! 
• Norwegian prices!! 

As you can see, there's a lot to like and not much to dislike...

 The Food

Pastries win here.  In particular the Swedish Cardamom Kanelbullar from Saturnus and the rhubarb and custard "croissant" from Meyers Baker in Copenhagen.  Omnomnom...

The Drink

It has to be this.

Yeastus Christus is a pretty good beer.  Chuck it in Chardonnay barrels for a while and it becomes a bloody amazing beer.  When we considered which drink was the best of this stint we quickly spouted the same beer at the same time.  #doublejinx

The Beer Count - 54

Copenhagen and Friends

Great food, great coffee and legendary beer bars all encased in the most beautiful of cities.  We've waited to be inside you for a long, long time Copenhagen.

The Beer Bars

Who are we kidding.  Yes, Copenhagen is very beautiful and it has the great coffee and the great food scene but there was one main drawcard - the world's premier gypsy brewer and his world famous beer bars.  The big M.

Mikkeller and Friends

This is a place of beer geek legend.  If Mikkeller Sthlm is already the bar of our dreams then I'm not really what this is because it's at a whole different level.

40 taps from Mikkeller and his friends and when his friends are from the upper echelons of the beer world you know that you're in for something special going for a drink here.

This is the kind of place that you have to drink tactically and in a team.  40 taps to get through over a couple of nights is hard enough work as it is but when something runs out and is immediately replaced with something else equally as sexy they have you on your knees.

It's the finer touches like splitting two glasses of two different barrel aged editions of Funky E* into four separate glasses so you can drink them side by side that makes places like this great.  Two nights weren't enough and ten nights still wouldn't be enough.  Expectations were smashed.

Mikkeller Bar

The original that is a bit like a scaled down version of Mikkeller and Friends with less friends.

Fermentoren

We thought it was best to get a third opinion on Copenhagen's beer scene so dropped into here for a few.  In a lot of cities around the world this would be it's number one beer bar.  20 taps full of quality and a bottle list consisting of just big dark beers, barley wines and sours.  All in surroundings that are a bit cosier than that of the Mikkeller bars.

The Noms

Pastries from Danmark

Yes, Danish pastries if you will.  But no, you don't walk into a bakery asking for "two Danish pastries please".  That would make you look like a dick.  We had various things from Meyers Bageri and Lagkagehuset filled with custard and jam and chocolate and more and all were bloody delightful.

relæ

My partner in eating has already debriefed you on this one - Michelin Meal, Take Three

Organic Hot Dog

A goat sausage in a homemade seeded bun with "everything" where everything is some good shit.  Mmmmmmm, look at that thing....

Meatball Sandwich at Smagsløget

Our search continues for the best ever sandwich.  Unfortunately Portugal's bar is still too high.

Torvehallerne Market 

We just couldn't stay away from this place.  At literally every turn there is another stand serving up something that has you reaching for your wallet and looking for more stomach space.  It appears that unless you're offering up fare that meets the highest of standards, you're not getting a look in for a space in this market.

We had a duck confit sandwich at Ma Poule that is pretty much perfection inside a bread roll, a mango and skyr (an Icelandic sort of cream cheese yoghurt) porridge at GRØD that had surprisingly little sweetness to it but was very good and a decent helping of Smørebrød - small open sandwiches that come in a mind boggling number of iterations and are the jewel in Denmark's culinary crown.

We tucked into a potato, with chicken salad and crispy bacon, fried fish fillet with remoulade and the show stopper - a steak tartar that was packed with a ridiculous amount of flavour.  Raw horseradish is pretty much the best thing ever.  From now on when I eat dinner, on the table I'd like: salt and pepper, dried chili and raw grated horseradish.  On the double Nix.

The Black Stuff

Keep it coming please.

Coffee Collective

We had coffees at both their Jægersborggade location and the Torvehallerne Market location.  Faultless.

Service, quality, complexity, attention to detail.  Check, check, check, check.

Democratic Coffee 

No Koppi roasted beans liked we'd hoped but still very nice espressos and a V60 using Drop Coffee beans.

Some Other Cool Things

Little Mermaid 

It's like Brussels' Mannekin Pis, when you're in Copenhagen you have to see it.  But do you really have to see it?

Naps in the Sunshine 

A post feed siesta down here in the sunshine was an inspired decision.

Some other nice bits of Copenhagen

ARoS in Aarhus

We dropped in to Aarhus for a night on our way to the top of Denmark to check out ARoS - a modern art museum.  Because we're so arty and shit, you know?

Highlights were The Boy (by an Aussie!), Wes Lang's exhibition (of which I got no photos and copped it) and the ARoS Rainbow which sits on top of the museum and gives sweeping views out over Aarhus in, well, all colours of the rainbow.

We'd waited so long for Copenhagen and Denmark and all of its beery goodness then all of a sudden it was gone.

After doing the Nordic city, beery, coffee, foody thing it was time for some nature and we were off to the Grand Daddy of all things natural - Norway.

The Beers

Mikkeller Monks Brew, Nelson Sauvin IIPA, It's Alive BA Chardonnay, Funky E* BA Sauternes and Chardonnay, YS2 Lambicus, Spontanmandarin, Spontanbeetroot, Spontanrosehip, Black Moon, Cù’t Cà Phê Bia, Koppi Barley Wine Ale
To Øl Yeastus Christus, Yeastus Christus Super Sour, Goliat BA Bourbon, Sans Frontiere, Sur Maelk, Mine Is Bigger Than Yours BA Muscatel
Lervig Galaxy IPA
All In/Lervig Imperial Porter
All In/Stronzo 100% Viking
Beer Here Executioner, Nordic Rye, Harwood Brown
Omnipollo Astral
Beerbliotek Pale Ale Raspberry Ale
Brodie's Oyster Tea Stout
De Dolle Boskeun
Aarhus Bryghus Snapper IPL, Sour Dragon
Stillwater Stateside
Hoppin' Frog B.O.R.I.S.