Tallinn, Raped and Pillaged by the Vikings

The year is 1014.   The Vikings descend on Tallinn and take it for all it's worth.  They drink their beer stocks dry, they rape and pillage and they just generally run amok.  Fast forward a thousand years and times haven't changed all that much.

Alcohol and cigarettes in Sweden are significantly more expensive than they are in Tallinn you see.  So for some, it makes economic sense to to do the 35 hour, €90 round trip from Stockton to Tallinn to stock up on as much booze and fags as you can physically carry off the ferry (with the trolley that you've brought with you of course).  The record that we saw was a trolley stacked high with eight cartons.

However the Swedes don't stop at just stocking up for when they get back home.  From the moment that they step on the ferry to Tallinn to the very last minute before they get back to Stockholm, it is a non-stop binge.  We were lucky enough to catch the final leg of the crusade.

Our ferry from Tallinn to Stockholm left at 6pm by which point 95% of everyone on board were half cut.  Out on the sun deck everyone just sits around in groups surrounding a bag of beers, chain smoking and hoeing down cheap snacks.

Then once the boat takes off it's duty free time and everyone begins to stack their trolleys high with carton upon carton before they head back to their rooms to load up before dressing up nice for a night of more boozing, more chain smoking and to hopefully find themselves a root.

It was at around 9pm (when Mr and Mrs Boring were sat there without a beer, or a bottle of vodka or a carton of cigarettes, and eating their supermarket bought salad and bread rolls) that the viking analogy clicked.  The Swedes land in the lesser country, booze themselves stupid and have their way with the local women before setting sail back to their homeland and boozing just a bit more to celebrate before stumbling about on deck, looking for someone to shag.  What a spectacle!

Apologies for the lack of photos.  It was a feast for our eyes that we couldn't avert our gaze from.

Our time in Estonia was focused on much more noble pursuits such as drinking and eating.  Hmmmm....

The Coffee

It continues to flow.

Gourmet Coffee

A half hour walk gets you out to Gourmet Coffee which before you've even had a coffee isn't the greatest proposition but there's a pot of black liquid gold at the end of this rainbow.  Great espressos using various house roasted single origins provide the perfect start to your morning.

Kehrwieder

For a cafe that's located so close to the main square these guys make decent coffees at slightly inflated prices.  Not bad for a quick stop before heading off to see the sights.

The Bars

These Baltic countries do love their beer.

Drink Bar

This one is a bit too English (which of course is never a good thing).

Pudel

This one is a bit too poncey.

Hell Hunt

And this one is a bit too American.

Porgu

This one gets it just right.  It's a cavern bar, it's staff are lovely, the food is great, the beer list is extensive, has heaps of local stuff and is very reasonably priced, and they don't mind if you set up shop and stream the rugby.  The other three are bars you can imagine anywhere else, this one you cannot.  They got sick of seeing us I think.

The Interesting Eating Experience at III Draakon

I normally hate these themed restaurants but this one actually had a feeling of authenticity to it.  It's in an old cavern off the main square with a blackened, sooty, stone ceiling, the only light is from a few candles and the decor genuinely looks like it's centuries old.

A surly wench barks at you, your beer comes in ceramic mugs and you have to fish your own pickles out of the barrel.  Then you drink your "decent serving" of elk soup from the bowl, gulp down your beer and get stuck into a pie.  The food wasn't that flash but the experience was fun.

A bit more of Tallinn for you...

The Beers (they're back in time for Scandinavia!) 

Ollenaut Suitsu Porter, Eesti Rukki Eil, Humulu Padrun, Wahtula, Simkoe Eil
Pohjala Videvik
Brewdog Hoppy Easter
Mikkeller/Brewdog I Hardcore You
Mikkeller Beer Geek Bacon, Beer Geek Vanilla Shake
Lehe Lobus Njuufa
Meantime IPA
PINTA Imperium Atakuje
Huvila Arctic Circle
Hell Hunt Ale

Latvia, it's sort of close to Scandinavia

It was more of the tried and true formula in Riga.  Good coffee, good beer and good food.

More Great Beer

One thing that we quickly learned in the Baltic States is that they love their beer and they do it well.

Valmiermuiža alus tirgotava

This is a fairly fancy affair as far as beer bars go but there was no pretence.  Just good beer and good beer snacks.  And a freebie mousse with pickled beetroot and pistachio that the kitchen sent out after I ordered the porter.  They've definitely got our vote.

ALEhouse

From the outside the ALEhouse looks like a standard, fairly run of the mill bar but they've a no-filler tap list and an extensive, internationally driven bottle list.  Not bad for a bit of SexyStyle with some bread chips and Mikkeller Milk Stout (which is an incredibly good beer).

Folkklub Ala Pagrabs

For a couple of days I continued to insist that we needed to go here.  For some reason Nix wasn't keen on going to a place that bills itself as a folk club.  Finally I convinced her and, as per usual, I was on the money.

We were there at lunchtime so Nix didn't have to worry about being dragged up onto the stage to do a jig with the band but we did have the pleasure of sitting through a couple of hours of Latvian folk music playing through the speakers.  What this place essentially is is a one stop shop for all things Latvian.  Twenty all Latvian beer taps, traditional Latvian food and the Latvian folk music.

We put ourselves in the hands of the waitress and worked our way though various decent Latvian beers and went for a hunter's salad with fried livers and a halloumi-like cheese and Latvia's national dish - grey peas with bacon.   We finished off with a shot of the potent, herbal Rigan spirit.

We rolled out quite merry, rather full and did a wobbly little jig.

More Good Coffee 

This time at MIIT and Zanna.

MIIT - A cool coffeeshop-bike shop that pulls a nice espresso using Lithuanian roasted beans.

Zanna - Another cool coffeeshop in a fairly random residential area of the CBD that pulls an equally good espresso and uses beans roasted in Estonia.

Sigulda and the Ligatne Nature Trail

To escape the city for a while we headed to a sleepy little Latvian town known as Sigulda.  Upon stepping out of the train station we thought we'd arrived to the arse end of the world but its beauty soon revealed itself.

The smell of burning wood fires fill the cold, crisp air, locals give you quizzical looks that say what are you doing here and massive mountain dog like pooches sit proudly atop their kennels.  And the warm welcome we received from the owner of our guesthouse really got us over the line.  She was clearly very excited to be having us as she walked around saying "Australie! Australie!".

The next morning we set off in the direction of the Ligatne Nature Trail.  I'd worked out that four buses and about four kilometres of walking should get us there and back.  One bus, 15 kilometres of walking and a hitched ride back to Sigulda got us home.

Seeing brown bears, lynx, wild boars and more in semi-natural habitats meant it was worth the effort.

The animal highlight?  This massive woolly bastard hopping straight onto both of our laps within a second of squatting down.  He's found a highly sought after place on our 'Top 5 Cats of the Trip' list.  All of the cats in the region are these big woolly-small dog beasts too.  Nice.

Vilnius, nothing really rhymes with it...

The promise of round upon round of potato dumplings with meat in sub 10 degree temperatures all of a sudden didn't sound too appealing when we flew out of what was a balmy Barcelona.

Never fear, the Beer Gods were keeping an eye out for us and carried us from great beer bar to great beer bar over a well lubricated few days in Vilnius.

Spunka

We bolted out the door after arriving in a chilly Vilnius and were in desperate need of a refreshment and some snacks.  Spunka delivered ten fold.  Located in the very cool Uzupis, a neighbourhood within Vilnius that declared itself a republic in 1997 and has its own constitution*, flag and anthem, we enjoyed a few great Lithuanian micros and received an introduction to "bread chips".  Yes, bread chips.

Bread chips are the best rye bread that you've ever eaten (sorry Germany) that have then been deep fried and covered in raw garlic.  Best beer snack ever?  Possibly.  Worst passion killer ever?  Yes, even worse than your nana's knickers.

Spunka was just what we needed to acclimatise back to Eastern Europe.

Snekutis (Uzupis) 

Time for a change of scenery.  More bread chips, this time with a garlic sauce, and more pig's ears (we hadn't really left Spain behind just yet).

Busi Trecias

House brewed dark lagers, the best goddamn pig's ear we've ever eaten (and we are connoisseurs of that part of the pig now) and the Lithuanian speciality beer snack of split peas and bacon for the win!

Bambalyne

The following day we headed here and opted for a v enjoyable DIPA and our first Baltic Porter in the Baltics!  We also got talking to a couple of Belorussians here that enjoyed their conversation with us so much that they handed us 1,700 Belarus Rubbles upon leaving (the equivalent of about 18 Aussie cents...).

You've got to love a good cellar bar and this is indeed a goodie.

Snekutis (Old Town)

The Old Town sister to the Uzupis bar.  This one's a touch more clean cut than the Uzupis location but it stocks a good tap and bottled beer selection and does a mean zeppelin - a meaty filled dumpling that's covered in garlic sauce and is funnily enough shaped like a zeppelin.  Coming here you also get to be served by the quite bizarre, very eccentric owner who is somewhat of a cult figure within the Lithuanian beer scene.  He's cult enough that people ask to get photos with him.

Unfortunately you feel like the ramshackle, everything you can ever imagine hanging from a ceiling Uzupis location is his home.  He doesn't look at home at the Old Town location.

No Sugar

The Beer Gods are beings of refined taste and with good beer must come good coffee.  They certainly delivered at No Sugar.  They also delivered on the best looking barista front too.  But don't tell Nix I said that.

A Monumental City 

Vilnius' other big love is monuments.  Here are but a couple of the more interesting ones.

That was it for Vilnius (and Lithuania).

*we didn't get a photo but after taking photos of the Uzupis constitution a dog dropped off a barker's egg right in front of it.  A dog has the right to be a dog. 

The Recap - Spain and Portugal

Too long in Morocco meant too long without booze and pork.  Booze and pork are are essential components within a well rounded traveller's diet.  We left Morocco very, very malnourished but were soon back to full health after a matter of hours in Sevilla.

We maintained optimal health throughout a month in Spain and Portugal in which we consumed booze and pork, and food in general, that was some of the most diet enriching that we've ever had.  It was a good, good month that flew by all too quickly.

The Ticks 

• The Portuguese cafe scene is the bomb.  You can't walk 100 metres without passing at least two or three old school cafeterias.  We walked out the door looking for a coffee in Santiago de Compostela going where have all the cafes gone? 
• WC translates as aseos in Spanish.  Yes, like adios for your arse!! 
• Pork glorious pork, in all of its wonderful iterations 
• The scent of orange blossoms all around Sevilla making it the best smelling city that I've ever been to
• The Spanish lifestyle is not a misinformed stereotype.  Siestas really do exist and they're bloody great
• Portuguese people are just lovely 
• FOOD: great fish from tins, tapas, pork, pernils and bifanas, pulpo, that seafood feed at Cervejaria Ramiro, pintxos
• BOOZE: ginjinha, sherry, canas (little gulpable beers), vermut, Basque region cider, green wine, port...  That list goes on

The Crosses 

• Santiago de Compostela pilgrims in all their pomposity 
• The hype and let down of the Francesinha
• The cost of intercity transport! 
• Those bloody hills in Porto
• We did love the Spanish siesta but sometimes you want a beer at 4pm! 
• A rather questionable gentleman's incessant questioning as to whether we were "married" (as he drew an invisible like between Nix and I) or "married married" (as he drew an invisible circle between the three of us)

The Food 

Tapas was great, pintxos was better and our feast at Petritegi was legendary.  But even though Spain threw everything it could at them, the Bifana of Beira Gare in Lisbon and the Pernil of Casa Guedes in Porto withstood every advance.  Those two sandwiches now live in our food folklore.

Read more about them here and here.

An extremely honourable mention goes to our lunch at Cervejaria Ramiro.  I still haven't cleaned the shrimp brains from my flavour saver.  That's what it's there for right?

The Drink 

For Nix it's txokoli, with manzanilla a close second.  A few of the words that Nix threw at me when I asked why she liked it so much: lightly carbonated, cold, matches perfectly to round upon round of pintxos, palate cleanser, theatrical seeing as it's poured from a height, it's cool to say.

For me it's ginjinha, the sour cherry liqueur that you drink out on the streets of Lisbon and order from little hole in the wall shops.  It doesn't only taste great and go down deceptively easy but you immediately get lost in its history and drift back a hundred years to when the locals were spilling out onto the pavement doing the exact same thing.

If you like to eat and drink, you will love these two countries.

In order not to contradict previous statements by me on this blog, can I point out that I've grouped Spain and Portugal under the same recap due to the time period that they've fallen in rather than me viewing them as one big country.

Barcelona, you Bloody Bewdy

My lovely wife's favourite city.  She clearly has exceptional taste.

La Boqueria 

This market is the one that you would give anything to have access to at home.  Every cut of meat imaginable (including those of the phallic variety), a bounty of good seafood, fruit, veggies, eggs from at least ten different animals.  Nix wanders through places like this repeating and repeating*, "what I'd give to have access to this at home".

Whilst wandering through we stopped in at Bar Pinotxos for a plate of chickpeas cooked with blood sausage and pine nuts that was simple yet delicious, dragonfruit and coconut, and papaya and coconut juices, and a cone of €2 jamon offcuts.

La Rambla

I'd been promised so much by La Rambla but was let down so cruelly.  I was promised street performer upon street performer and heaps of strange pets for sale (I was going to buy a chinchilla that could've been our mascot for the rest of our trip) but there were only a handful of street performers and zero pets for sale.  The rain didn't help the first day but even when we returned on Friday, and the sun was shining, things were still disappointing.

Gaudi

Gaudi's work and influence are dotted all around the city which makes for a place that immediately catches you up in its sense of whimsy.

Unfortunately it will still be a while yet until his greatest masterpiece (Sagrada Familia) will be completed.  It's a spectacular sight right now, it will be out of this world once it's finished.

The Eating 

As is everywhere in Spain, Barcelona is a food paradise.

Quimet & Quimet 

This joint specialises in little open sandwiches with a mind boggling array of toppings on offer.  We went for the salmon with yoghurt and truffle honey, scallops with caviar, and tuna belly with sea urchin roe.  All deliciously decadent but the salmon shone brightest.  For the first time in our lives we felt that truffles imparted something worthwhile to a dish.  We also tried some tuna jerky (mojama) which was rather interesting.

la plata

This place is very old school and just serves a few different plates and a few different drinks.  We opted for some fried sardines, a salad and the ubiquitous Barcelonian tomato and garlic bread.  Traditional, classic, good.  House wine from a cask behind the bar never gets old either.

Can Paixano

Pirnils (which are closer to an English bacon butty than our Queen over in Porto) and cheap as chips bottles of cava (the regional speciality sparkling wine).  We won't say no to that.  Who would?

El Xampanyet

Again, more cheap as chips house made cava.  First time round here we just had a couple of glasses but after seeing some of the amazing food that was coming out of the kitchen had to return.

Upon returning we had a plate of caracoles (snails) that were cooked in their shells in a garlicky, herb rich oil, some big meaty anchovies and finished off with a mixed plate of sweet biscuit things with a communal glass of sweet dessert wine.

Two words of warning for anyone that heads there.  Order "dos casa cava" to ensure that you get the house cava, order "dos cava" and they'll give you the expensive, not in cool glasses stuff.  And pay as you go to avoid any rude shocks at the end of your meal.

La Cova Fumada

We trudged through the cold and wet for cap i pota (a super gelatinous almost gummy stew made with various pig bits) and bombas (fried mashed potato balls with a bit of mince inside).  Not bad but no need to have again.

Fromatgerie La Seu

Sometimes we end up in a place that I think "gee Nix, you've outdone yourself here".  A pretty random little cheese shop that we stopped in to for a tasting of three regional cheeses and a glass of red.  The girl does love her cheese.

The Drinking

Because you need to do something in between the eating.

BierCAB for Cutie

This place is a beer geek's wet dream.  Two screens up behind the bar show what's on tap, where it's from, the beer's style, its ABV, IBUs.  Across the 20 or so taps there is essentially no filler and that's without looking at the fridges.  There are only two but they're full of quality.  Belgian sours, bottles of Fantôme that we didn't even see in Belgium, a few rare Americans and some good Scandinavian stuff.  As I said, beer geek's wet dream.

Morro Fi

Locally made vermouth with a slice of orange and an olive.  The concept didn't really appeal to me at first but it's very, very more-ish.  The disappointment comes from the fact that it's only supposed to be an aperitif and that you should only stop in for the one.

Horchata

Ever since I've known Nix she's told me about the joys of horchata, a traditional Spanish beverage made from tigernuts (which are similar to almonds).   I was sceptical but wrongly so.  It has a lovely grainy texture to it and a beautiful nutty taste and would be a great thirst quencher on those searing Spanish afternoons.  Maybe pre-siesta.

We had great horchata from both Horchateria Sirvent and La Valenciana.

Nomad Coffee 

Coffee as good as you'll find anywhere and made with as much care and thoughtfulness as you'll struggle to find anywhere else.  Nix had a couple of life changing cortados (which is the Spanish equivalent of a macchiatto only better) and me two expertly prepared espressos.

That was two full days in Barcelona.  The amount that we walked, ate and drank was pretty impressive, even by our standards.

*and repeating and repeating and repeating and repeating and....... 

This is also San Sebastian

If someone offered you a meal that included as much quality cider (txiri) as you could drink would you pass it up?  Well of course not, you're not an idiot.  And neither are we.

And if someone then informed you that the meal that it comes with includes a 900 gram steak between two, you would move mountains to get there wouldn't you?  Yes, yes you would.

Nix and I are gun jumpers.  Those people that are always just a bit too keen and end up at a restaurant/bar/cafe just as it's opening and manage to get in the way of everyone setting up.  Once again we jumped the gun at Petritegi cider house and ended up just sort of swanning around in the entry until someone could take us to our table.  Let the experience begin.

We were told to grab a glass each, squeezed onto the end of a table that was already reserved and were soon tucking into chorizo a la sidra (chorizo cooked in cider).  But there was one main problem, where was the cider?

Petritegi is self serve you see.  Yes, not only do you get a bottomless glass of cider but it's also self serve.  You quite literally catch your own cider.  You CATCH your own cider.

Let me expand on that.  The waiter brought out our chorizo and then blankly stared at our empty glasses for a second before saying, "you want cider?".  We want cider?  Does the Pope shit in the woods?

He pointed us towards the cider cellar and said "just go in there".  Off we nervously trotted knowing what we were about to have to do.  With the room empty apart from the cask attendant we had no one else to watch to give us a few pointers on how to do this.

Cider from the Basque region of Spain isn't carbonated so in order to attempt to liven it up a bit you've got to break the cider on your glass from as far of a distance as possible.  Which results in you doing something like this.

What also results from that is arms and sleeves and shoes getting covered in cider in the process.  Nix and I hadn't really coined onto the Spanish saying of 'a little bit often' yet and proceeded to top our glasses up before the attendant pointed out that we're just supposed to pour ourselves a couple of fingers worth.  Whoops.

Anyway, we headed back to our table covered in cider and let the food avalanche engulf us.  First up was the traditional bacalao omelette followed by a massive slab of fried bacalao with peppers but these two dishes just whet your appetite for the main event.

The main event.  A massive t-bone steak cooked to Nix's idea of perfection - still very mooey on the inside.  So much meat, so much satisfaction.  This feed is a carnivore's delight.  We both left Petritegi pregnant with little meat babies after nomming this beast.

All throughout these courses we're wearing a trail back and forth between the cellar, by which point we're gaining a better understanding of 'a little bit often'.

After the meat course dessert comes cheese with a massive chunk of quince paste, walnuts and cigar biscuity things.  A fine end to an epic food marathon.

Following all that food, the only logical thing to do is drink enough to ensure that you soak up some of that food.  That's the saying yeah?  Close enough.

Petritegi is one of the few cider houses in Basque country that can offer unlimited cider all year round.  The twenty odd 11,500 litre casks that reveal themselves when you enter the cellar drive that point home really.  More reason to drink up.

It's later on in the afternoon when things really kick off.  The cider begins to flow, and I mean flow as in they turn on the taps and they do not stop, the traditional Spanish drinking songs begin and things get a bit raucous in the great European way where everyone pushes themselves to their really merry/almost drunk threshold but carefully straddle the line and nothing gets out of control.

There was a point late in the afternoon surrounded by cider shooting off in every direction that we realised that we were having a travel 'moment'.  This is why you travel.

We swayed down the road, made friends with pigs and goats, and snapped multiple merry selfies.  This was a great day.

One Michelin Star too many 

Sorry to bring it back down a bit here.

We ticked the box but left disappointed.  This one meal at Kokotxa cost as much as just about all of our pintxos hunting put together.  We know what we'd prefer.

The food was good but not great, as was the service, and it just didn't have that super crisp, next level sort of feel that you'd expect from a place that has a Michelin Star.  You win lots and you lose a couple.  We can't complain too much.

And that was San Seb...

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