Mae Hong Son According to Nicola

There are two reasons as to why my heart is no longer whole since leaving the incredible Mae Hong Son - a beautiful town in the North West of Thailand, super close to the Burmese boarder.

The first is simply because it is my favourite place in Thailand and the feeling of bliss that it instilled in me was unprecedented. We arrived after two days of rafting and were looking forward to a shower and a bed. We stumbled upon our best accommodation so far - a simple bungalow in a loving family's backyard, surrounded by the neighbours' banana and coconut trees. 

It had a fridge. Our excitement was barely containable (after being on the road for so long it really is the small things that get me excited... A fridge is one of those things. As is sawtooth coriander, but that's another story!)

Sitting outside on our patio in the sweltering heat we decided it was beer time, so the errand boy was sent off to procure the goods. He returned with this bounty... A bottle of Thai rice whiskey costing $3, some fried crickets for $1 and three Chan cigars costing $0.15. 

We would sit each evening afternoon (who am I kidding!) with booze and snacks and prepare for the gecko wars that would soon commence. As soon as the sun started to disappear I'd turn on our outside light, proclaim 'I am the Gecko Queen' and watch my 10 or so faithful followers crawl out of the ceiling and get in place for their feast.

Watching geckos fight each other is nasty business - they bite the skin on each others face and then don't let go. They pull at eye sockets, forehead skin, neck fat, anything they can get a hold of. At the same time they make a horrible hissing sound and arch their backs off the ceiling exorcist style. We were much happier when they were hunting giant moth men instead of each other!

The food in Mae Hong Son is also delicious... As if I'm going to fall in love with a place that doesn't keep my stomach satisfied! From traditional Mae Hong Son style curry and stir fried ferns, to chicken head skewers, to snack size bowls of noodles in tomato broth, this place had me covered.

Add in the day and night time views around the lake,

the simple pleasure of feeding the fish in said lake,

and the stunningly kind and friendly people, and you've got yourself a pretty fekking awesome life.

The second reason why I could quite literally be missing a piece of this vital organ thanks to Mae Hong Son is because of this orgasmic bastard.

This delightful morsel is called Khao Kan Jin and is rice and blood steamed in a banana leaf. A typical Northern Thai snack, I'd been dying to try it and was stoked to have correctly identified and bought it. So much so the next night I went back for more. Half way through the second helping I remembered reading that out this way they do a second version of it which uses raw blood mixed with the already steamed rice. At the same time I also recalled that when picking my banana leaf parcels there were bright green ones and mucky yellow ones - indicating that they had probably been steamed.

I'd been going for the bright green. I'd been consuming and feeding my husband raw pig blood. Oops. Ironic in a way because we'd discussed it a few days earlier and decided not to hunt out the raw blood version because we were probably pushing our guts and immune system too far as it was. So fingers crossed there's no little piggy parasite men currently nomming my heart.

In the interest of full disclosure, if presented with another parcel of this right now I would gobble it down before you could say 'tapeworm!'

Rafting the Pai River

We wanted to go to Pai, we wanted to go to Mae Hong Son. We'd read about an overnight rafting trip between the two that involved a night in the jungle and jumped at it, excited to meet a heap of new people.

Unfortunately the only people that were on board were a captain that didn't want to be part of a selfie and that other bird that I don't seem to be able to shake.

Poor company aside, what followed were two super peaceful days, floating down the magnificent Pai River broken up by the occasional set of rapids and our captain Mike doing his best to flick Nix out of the boat, lunch and snack stops fit for a king, stopping by a small waterfall for a dip and an old school Thai massage, and a heap of animal and insect sightings. 

This was also quite fun.

In the two days we saw innumerable butterflies and dragonflies, a troop of macaques, a python, lots of kingfishers and other water birds and Nix's and my respective highlights, water buffalo hanging out in the water feasting on horse flies and fireflies at night at the jungle camp. Real life, flaming butt fireflies.

About the jungle camp. Maybe not Nix's favourite place in the world. 

Remote is an understatement. It's a three hour uphill trek to the next village and there's no running water or other such amenities out there. Your shower is a bucket of cold water syphoned off from a nearby stream, dinner is cooked over the fire and these are the digs. Sorry, what's the WiFi password?

As it got darker and darker the jungle's chorus grew louder and louder and the threat of something slithering under the mosquito net was enough to keep Nix awake for the majority of the night. At least that allowed her to recount to me in the morning who and what had come flying through and scampering by our heads during the night. She survived though and given I was the man power pushing our raft down the river, we were thankful that I'd slept like a baby. That's pretty much a direct quote from our captain by the way.

Nix's other least favourite place in the world is the raft after brushing past spider filled branches. Any requirement to paddle or guide the raft went out the window as Nix gave her undivided attention to ridding the raft of the five or so spiders that would join us each time. "Haha, oh, you don't like shpeeder, Nicholas??" 

One friend that we did welcome to the party was this guy. 

One of the two extremely eccentric guys that man the jungle camp for seven to eight months of the year had been fishing the night before and left a line in overnight. He'd got lucky and pulled in a four kilo catfish that was strung behind our raft and dragged for six hours down the river. He made it semi-alive and would provide new shoes and more rice wine for our eccentric friend.

Lunch on our second day was by a hotspring where Nix applied some beauty treatments

and we found one little frog that forgot to dip his toe before jumping in.

Our captain was, in fact, a great guy. He's from the Lahu tribe that migrated from Tibet many moons ago and now calls Northern Thailand home. His knowledge on the jungle and its animals was second to none and he was an extremely Zen force to have guiding our ship for the couple of days. 

It was by far the most enjoyable method of transport we've experienced and a definite highlight of Thailand. If anyone's interested the only company worth considering is Guy and his team at Thai Adventure Rafting - www.thairafting.com

The couple of nights prior to the rafting were spent in Pai, a village that whilst it's become quite heavily touristed still has its charms. The locals don't have that worn out feel that you normally pick up on in places like this, there's decent food to be had you just need to know where to look, a beer down by the Pai River is absolutely priceless and the packs of friendly(ish) dogs patrolling the streets bring the place to life.

The other thing Pai is good for is a massive night on the turps with new found drinking buddies that ends at the only bar in town that's open 'til the early hours. Thankfully, there's always a coconut shake close by for the following day's long, slow recovery. 

High on Chiang Mai

After years of dreaming, we'd finally made it to Chiang Mai. I can't put my finger on exactly what it was that made us become so obsessed with making it there but after just 24 hours in the city anything we'd ever hoped for had been realised.

Just 15 short hours of travel got us there and the first port of call was a bowl of noodle soup followed by a few beers on the moat that rings the city, watching rats crawl in and out of drain pipes and a father and son attempt to hook a few of the fish that the moat is loaded with. They told me the name of the fish but I don't seem to be able to write or translate Thai.

The next morning we headed off and fed our temple addiction before walking out to Akha Ama. 

Coffee is a big, big deal in Chiang Mai and these guys are one of the main players. I started off with a decent espresso and Nix a cold drip, or 'Black Juice' if you will, and we shared a shakerato (a double espresso shaken with ice) which presents like a Belgian brune and has been added to the home recreation list.

We stopped at a couple of other nice thirdwave outlets and it never ceases to amaze me how impressive these coffeeshops in places like Chiang Mai are. A lot of what we saw in Chiang Mai wouldn't be out of place back home.

The rest of our time was spent lounging around, plotting our next moves, reading and refining backgammon strategies before heading out at night to one of the many, many markets that make Chiang Mai so famous. There is some very cool stuff on offer and good food. There's also a f*ckload of swanning.

We've just come from the east where people move through markets in a clockwise direction and it's one of those moment in your existence where you go, 'wow! People can operate together in a logical manner and not defy rational thought'. In Chiang Mai though? Throw a few tourists in the mix and all that rational thought goes out the window.

People go against the tide, across the tide, whole groups stop in the middle of proceedings and people just generally become disgustingly selfish and outside of what they want in that exact moment, nothing else matters.

So yes, the markets were cool but god people can be shit.

Our market highlights were the morning Warowot and Dok Mai markets. We started off with breakfast in an alley tucked beside Dok Mai that consisted of Crispy Krullers and pandan Kaya with two steaming hot glasses of sweetened soy milk on the side.

After that we wandered through the Dok Mai market seeing someone else's breakfast writhing about before I let Nix loose in Warowat market.

She passed the Thai wife test acquiring some Chiang Mai style sausage, Nam Prik Noom and pork rind, and some coconut jellies. Second breakfast of the morning was served.

Of course there were some other food highlights too. Khao Kha Moo from the cowboy hat wearing lady at Khao Kha Moo Chang Phueak, Northern Thai style Laab at Sorn Chai and a pomello Som Tam at Huen Phen were all very memorable and have left a very nice Chiang Mai flavoured taste in our mouths...

Dances with Shrimp Starring Chiang Khan

The journey to Chiang Khan required an hour and a half introduction into yet another method of transport - the songthaew. Essentially, an old pick-up truck with bench seats in the back that acts like a local bus, picking people up and dropping them off along a prespecified route. The beauty of the songthaew is that it's semi open in the back allowing the fresh air to rush past your face as you creep towards your destination, observing water buffalo rolling around in the mud and rural Thai life pressing on in the distance.

Chiang Khan is quite a hit with Thai tourists however is, as yet, quite undiscovered by us nosey farang. It's a beautiful old town filled with old teak houses that have now been converted into kitschy (did I really just use that word?) bars, cafes and clothing shops. 

We'd read how beautiful Chiang Khan was however it was the promise of a particular regional culinary speciality that got us over the line. On a TV program a few years ago we'd watched the presenter chow down on the dish in the video below and we had the simultaneous epiphany that we had to have it

Apparently it was going to be on offer at the Kaeng Kood Koo market, five k's out of town so we set off one morning, unable to justify what seemed like an exorbitant price for a tuk-tuk, and walked the hot, sweaty five k's to find our Kûngtên, Dancing Shrimp. We wandered around hopelessly for half an hour, I think expecting the shrimp to jump into our mouths, but had no luck. Until a Thai lady with perfect English walked by and asked if we needed help just before we were about to walk up to a counter and spout Kûngtên at someone. 

Before long we were sat on the bank of the Mekong in a little bamboo hut with Ray and her family enjoying unfathomably fresh, grilled fish from the river, a Thai style papaya salad with the Lao addition of fermented crab and the pièce de résistance (how f*cking fancy am I?) - our Dancing Shrimp.

The little bastards are full of life when they come out, hence the plate, and the idea is that you pop them in your mouth immediately to feel them jumping around before you crunch down on the little suckers. Along with the fish sauce, chilli and lemongrass that they're covered in, they are a seriously flavourful delight. Mission accomplished.

The rest of our time in Chiang Khan was spent watching the longboat races, 

getting up early one morning for the almsgiving,

discovering Miang Kham ('wild pepper leaf' wrapped around other tasty stuff that you should just read about here) which after her first bite Nicola implored, "will you have one of these so you can experience the flavour explosion that I am right now!",

and finishing our days with a beer on the most romantic of rivers - the mighty, mighty Mekong.

There are many very apparent reasons why Thai people love this place so much.

If you haven't gathered yet, we're excited for and energised by travel again. A day of travel in Asia equates to about five in Europe and we're only just touching the tip of the iceberg at the moment. Next stop is a city we've longed to visit for a v long time.

Part of the Isaan 1%

After Bangkok the real travel began again. On a rickety old train, with the wind in our hair, we headed northeast into a part of Thailand that not many travellers go, unable to pull themselves away from the islands and beaches of the south. There's always time for lazing around on beaches though, we wanted to see a side of Thailand that not many tourists do, only 1% of travellers to Thailand in fact.

Northeastern Thailand or Isaan, as it's called, is an interesting melting pot of Thai, Lao and Khmer people where the culture, food and language take influence from all three. It sounded interesting enough to us so from this point on it was all squat toilets, fan rooms and ring burning helpings of chilli. Oh, and amazing hospitality, like a lady and her son sharing their lunch with us on the train. Do we really look that destitute?

First stop was Korat and first stop in Korat was the nightly food market. We sampled some regional speciality Isaan sausages (an amazing sausage made from fermented pork, sticky rice, chilli and a heap of garlic) that came with a handful of birdseye-like chillies, som tam (papaya salad), pork scratchings and some little tapioca ball things that we've grown to love. It was a good intro to fiery Isaan cuisine.

Then the next morning the strangest thing happened. We went out of our way to go and do something that wasn't food or drink related. Crazy hey.

Prasat Hin Phimai is one of the biggest and most important religious sanctuaries found in Thailand and, rather uniquely, reflects Hindu and Buddhist influences. The main tower inspired some of the work at Angkor Wat and the overall complex is believed to be the end point of an ancient Khmer route from Angkor. All of that aside, it's a pretty spectacular site and one of those places that you can hardly imagine being constructed these days, let alone during the 11th century.

Our next destination was Khon Kaen. Only a four hour bus ride sat next to the biggest Thai man in existence stood in the way of us getting there. This guy would cradle you like a newborn, MM.

First stop in Khon Kaen was again, another market. This time the Saturday Walking Market which is a cracker. We wandered through the non-food bit and were tempted to drop a few thousand baht on the pug and beagles pups we saw and I asked Nix if I could buy all of the sugar gliders and set them free but unfortunately we walked away animal-less so decided to eat some instead.

We followed the lead of the rest of the locals and grabbed a heap of food and ate ourselves stupid at a little squat table. Highlights being a rotisserie quail (check out that rotisserie!), more Isaan sausages and a pandan flavoured sugar syrup drink.

The following morning we were back on the temple trail this time the nine storied, and very spectacular, Phra Mahathat Kaen Nakhon. Each floor becomes more spiritual the higher you ascend up the stupa starting off at depictions of rural Khon Kaen life (including those of a very obvious ladyboy with breasts and a young girl blowing a fart at an opposing tribe) up to the ninth level which houses relics of the Lord Buddha. We could actually get into this temple thing if they can keep this up.

Look out for the next post on the final stop of our Isaan adventure.

Pug Sightings - 6. It appears that Isaan love its pugs.

Three Little Piggies Went to Bangkok

Bangkok is a city of experiences. It's a city where you can fulfil any perverse desires that you've ever harboured. In the area around Khao San you can drink 24/7 and if you then want to go home with a ladyboy and play any hole's a goal, you can do that. If you want to see a woman smoke a cigarette from her coochie, you can do that too.

Oh, I just hope that you don't want a beer from a 7-Eleven from 2pm 'til 5pm because you can't do that. You would need to go to a bar for a drink, because that makes way more sense.

In between Thai rum fuelled hangovers we found time to squeeze in a few experiences that are more to our tastes. 

You read about our fancy dinner at Nahm here but part of the reason why it didn't live up to our expectations was because of this meal. We kept this meal a secret from Matt saying we were just going to a good restaurant in Chinatown for dinner. 

We arrived at Tang Jai Yoo and walked in off the grimy street into probably the strangest dinner environment I'd ever been a part of (save for my first family dinner at the Hatch residence - now THAT'S a baptism of fire). We got shuffled around between tables by women all wearing little purple suits trying to secure us big tipping Westerners at their table. They clearly weren't very good judges of character.

These little women in purple suits would continue to mill around for the entirety of the meal, hovering over the table and watching us eat, at times would join in on the laughter of a joke that they'd miss and helped contribute to a v strange environment in a setting that was akin to an Asian grandmother's living room.

Anyway, it could have been many times weirder and that would have been fine given the meal that was on its way. As he was flicking through the menu Matt spotted the suckling pig on it and said, "wouldn't it be funny if we just ordered a whole pig!" To which I took great pleasure in telling him that that was exactly what we were here for. 

We started off with a plate of morning glory that even for just some leafy greens was a meal in itself. You don't make friends with salad however you do with a bit of morning glory. Wink wink.

But then out came the main event. BOOM. The whole suckling pig was presented in all of its beautiful, sexy, porky glory.

The pork entree consisted of taking the slivers of wafer thin, glass-like skin and making Chinese-style pancakes with it. The way the pork skin shattered around your mouth was similar to no other pork skin we'd ever had. The pancakes took us to a special, special place and we could've walked away from the meal very satisfied at this point. You wouldn't, but you could. 

Next thing the pig was taken away and a few minutes later out came the pork palate cleanser - the remaining bits of skin, the snout and the ears. Those cartilagey, chewy, essence of pork bits. Mmm...

By this point we were feeling pretty full, ready to settle the cheque, until a heaped pile of the rest of the Porky Pig was plonked down in front of us after having been chopped and deep fried with a fistful of garlic. We floated out of the restaurant inebriated by the little oinker who'd led us astray for the evening.

One of the newer experiences to hit Bangkok is the cat cafe. It's no secret that we're lovers of cats so the opportunity to sit down over a Thai tea and have twenty of the most pristine cats you've ever seen climbing about the place was an opportunity that was not to be missed. 

The purrrrfect way to spend an hour or so...

Back to the food experiences. This time, boat noodles. So named as only a small portion of noodles and blood thickened broth is ladled into a bowl which prevents spillage when someone's chowing down on a few bowls in a boat. 

The idea is that you order a heap of bowls between the table and see how many you can get through. We followed an order of 12 bowls with an order of nine. 

No prize for guessing who let down the team in number of bowls consumed. 

We squeezed in a few at Mikkeller Bangkok for good measure.

And, other than more boozing and some street food snacking, including a great tom yum and Nix grilling her own bits of pork face at a street side grill, that was the majority of our time in Bangkok gone...